Cotton Candy Cloud

"He said he is falling for you."

What else can be sweeter than that? Especially when it came from the ex-girlfriend who called you a bl**p once. Because we were into the same guy. (She won. Well, that's another story.)



Oh. Maybe there is one.

"Why don't you just be his girlfriend?"

Yeah. From the ex-girlfriend herself.

Odd Jobs

I'm working on yet another odd job. I need money to pay for my meals. Plus some other stuff.

This morning MJ woke me up from my four-hour sleep with a question: Do I want a job giving out flyers and get paid for it? Sure! I'm broke. I'll do practically everything for some bucks. So I took a shower, went to the girl who was supposed to do that job (yeah, I'm a replacement) and before I fully gain my senses back I was there on the road giving out the purple coloured papers to other students. And I wore purple coloured T-shirt too.

Well, this is not the first time I do odd jobs to supplement my pocket money. I can't boast myself for having some experiences working in F & B fields or sales departments. Working part time while I'm here in the College would mean wasting more money than what I can really gain. Who would want to pay some twenty to forty bucks for a four bucks per hour job everyday?

My job experiences as a student includes:

• Selling some stuff from catalogue in school
• Working as a dish washer at my Dad's restaurant after school
• Selling prepaid coupons in the Pre-U College
• Selling prepaid coupons in College but someone stole my money (first year in College)
• Co-writing a storyline for a friend but he was cheated so we didn't get any money for that *sob*
• Helping some friends selling stuff at their food stall (second year)
• Updating a web portal and working on the PCs in the lab
• Keeping the key of a car and get some 10% of the rental fees (third year)
• Selling some T-shirts
• Selling food from room to room, block to block almost everyday for some bucks (fourth year)
• Promoting prepaid mobile starter packs (in purple T-shirt)

Only one really fits the description of a "job". That was when I was working on the web portal and PCs. I went to work from nine to five (and sometimes more) for some three and a half bucks per hour, paid three and a half bucks per day for the room and some few more bucks per meal, twice per day and only got half of the paycheck. It was a bl**ping sad story.

Well, I'll do anything for money. No. Almost anything.


And two more days to go as a girl in the purple T-shirt.

Poison

I am becoming more and more like the person I hate. Person? Persons? I don't know that anymore. I don't know myself anymore.

I hate myself for that. Hate? I LOATHE my bl**ping self for that. Here's what I think is happening:

For every minute I spend hating someone, I am actually wasting myself slowly absorbing the toxic essences of him/her, making me turning slowly into that person. And it is exactly like the toxics in the air that I breathe and the water that is the key to my survival. Like the unnatural chemical contents in the food I eat. They are eating me slowly without me realising it. Like a cancer slowly growing from some nano particle into a tennis-ball sized tumour or growth that I only realised when it is too late. Way too late.

It might seems like illogical to most people. But that's the only reasonable thoughts I could think of as I pondered over this thing.

Slowly absorbing the poisonous essences of the others - the qualities I hate in them - I am poisoning my own self. As if I don't have enough of my own poisons to kill me from the inside.

This is not just a teenage movie complex like in the Mean Girls. It happened and is still happening to me. Unfortunately I don't have the script in my life's movie that tells me when the scene of the main character realising that she was wrong redeem her life by changing back into her old self and win the charming guy in the movie. No director to yell "Cut!" and no clapboard to end the bad scene when I'm tired of playing it.

Did I try hard enough to stop this thing from happening? Maybe not hard enough. In fact I just snapped at the person who tried hard to drag me out of the mess. I guess it is like I just threw the life jacket away when someone tried to save me from drowning. And I can't swim!

I'm turning into my own enemy. How ironic is life?