Tuesday, January 30, 2007


I'm stuck in a dirty relationship. And I mean really dirty. Really, really dirty. And messy. Really messy. Really, really messy.

I am writing this in present, because it is happening. Right now.

A flash of my current relationship:

My *lalala...* and I met by accident. Bla bla bla... Cut the story short, we became best friends. Sort of. Best friends of the opposite sexes. It was pretty funny actually when people thought we had some thing going on, just because we were never seen together before with being so close with someone from the opposite sex for no reason at all. Whatever...

Anyway, I developed some sort of crush on him. And yeah, time had proved it was not just some regular crush. I had the same feeling before. A 'crush' on AK left me crying for at least a straight week. I stopped only when I was in public - the Cafe, the class... But in my room I cried silently non-stop. My Roomies left me to cry alone. Nobody knew why, nobody knew what to do. I was glad they just left me alone. I remembered on lunch time I went back to my room, sat down and started weeping. A few minutes before class started and my classmates dropped by, I wiped the tears away, took a quick glance at my eyes in the mirror and put a fake smile. Back from class I continued crying.

AK hurt me badly by not doing anything. Love? Perhaps. I don't really understand what are love and crush, until this thing with my *lalala...*, the 'crush' I had on him. I never felt the same with my Ex #1 and Ex #2. Yeah, I remembered crying, begging for #1 and #2 (separate occasions OK!) not to leave me. I think the perfect song for that was Love Fool, by the Cardigans.

So I cry, I pray, and I beg

Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool, fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me

So I cry, and I beg for you to

Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me
I can't care about anything but you

But no, it wasn't the same thing I had with AK.

Love, perhaps. I told my *lalala...* what I felt for him, but I didn't ask him to do anything. I showered him with plenty of stuff, I was being a better-than-best friend. I knew about his girlfriend. That's why I didn't ask anything from him. Anyway, when he started to treat me well and all, my heart was flying up high in the air, only later to be killed with his own words - "Sorry, I was only pitying you. I noticed you needed some TLC, I was only lending you some."

Not his exact words, but that's what it is about. It hurt me badly, yet I continued to be with him. Why? Because he is the best thing I've ever had. The best gift ever.

How special is my *lalala...* compared to AK? Well, AK is like a guy from a dream come true. How true? I would say about 97 - 98%. I'm not really good at Maths. Perfect enough you say? Well, my *lalala...* scores 100%. Yup. 100%. Everytime I think of it, it makes me sing Iris, by Goo Goo Dolls.

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

Anyway, he continued to have some conflicts with his GF, I'm always there for him, and so things go from pity to some real care. I'm not sure if he loves me, but yeah, things was OK between us.

Oh, I forgot to mention a thing between me and the GF. We are, somehow, friends.

Then one day the GF broke up with him, he was a total disaster, I was there for him. Then we went out and he was mine and I was his. Unofficially, but still, we're together. I did ask him about the GF and their relationship, and me as his rebound, his soft cushion to fall on the hard ground.

His answer - I am not a rebound. He really is with me now. No more treating me well because of pity. His feelings are straight from his heart. No more barrier between us, the GF is no longer there, no guilty feelings for cheating behind her. None whatsoever.

So we are now happy, I guess... Yeah, I know they still keep in touch with each other. Texts? Phone calls? I don't know, but I know they are in touch.

I have actually cry almost every day since we were *finally* together. I can feel some thing is going on between them - my *lalala...* and the GF. I keep on thinking about us, how he would leave me if she asks him back. I know he loves her. He knows my fear.

I was right about the bad feelings I had earlier. She wants him back. I don't know if she begged him or what. But I know it happens, and it happens now.

She doesn't know about us. She ask him back. And she ask me to help her. I am somehow involved in their problem. Again. Because I'm his friend. His best friend. And her friend.

I ask him to go back to her. Especially when she said he said no. I don't understand why he said no to her.

She said she has some health complications due to her stress. Gastric, something abnormal with her heart, breathing problems. I don't know... But I know she's not kidding.

I just want him to be happy. If getting them back together will help him to be happy, and I'm positive it will help her be happy (that's what she wants) I should be happy.

His happiness is my happiness. I don't really care about her. If he is going to be happy with a girl he saw on the street but has no guts to ask for her number, I'll be the one who asks for her number. Yes, I did told him that. I just hope he remember that. The point is I want him happy. I don't care a damn about her. If she's going to be happy, well, congrats. Hers doesn't mean anything to me.

Somehow she viewed me as some sort of friend. She talked about her probs (yeah, I did ask!) and she asked for help. I just hope that she realised that she doesn't really mean anything to me. Sounds mean? Whatever. I just want him happy. If she knows about us, she'll definitely think I'm being a total bitch, pretending like I'm trying to save their relationship, backstabbing her, stealing her guy. He knows better.

Two happy people always outweigh one crying heart. He loves her, she loves him, she's going to get well really soon, and they'll live happily ever after. A sweet fairy tale ending. If they're going to be happy, then I guess I'll just have to let him go. I'm just a rebound anyway.

Things are complicated right now. But I truly appreciate what my *lalala...* say when I ask him to go back to her.

Me: Why don't you two get back together?
Him: No. I don't think we're on the same track now.
Me: Why don't you try to make her happy? You would be happy too...
Him: And make you cry? I don't want to make you cry. Not anymore.
Me: What if I already did?
Him: I know you cried. I know you've been crying. I don't want you to.
Me: Why? Why don't you just let me cry?
Him: You cry, you make me worry about you.
Me: Why?
Him: You cry because you have problems, because you are upset.
Me: But I always cry. I cry for no reason. I love crying.
Him: You love to see me cry?
Me: No.
Him: So am I. I don't want you to cry.

The conversation revolves around the matter between us - me, my *lalala...* and the GF. I know this is a critical point in our relationship. Ours is fragile. I still feel like a rebound no matter how he tried to assure me that the whole thing is real. This is no short-term beautiful illusions I have in front of me, he is mine now, we are together. I was afraid I would lose all the pretty things we have - no more calling me with sweet names, no more sleeping on his lap.

My worries are half-answered. He still calls me sweet names, he still asks me to keep on texting him after the phone call. But he doesn't say anything about sleeping on his lap. Wrong timing, I guess.

I am going to sleep early tonight. I'm going to waste some tears to sleep. I'm off now.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

There Goes My Meals...

Warning: This is going to be yucky. Very yucky. Read at your own risk.

Yesterday I woke up late. It was raining the whole afternoon. I went out to the town anyway. The bus was late. Well, better than none, I guess. It's a good thing I took the bus to town, actually. I need some exercise. Most of my girl friends are lazy to use their little feet to trot down the streets, preferring to step on the gas pedal instead.

Anyway, the whole trip was short. T-shirt printing company (price quotation on Monday, then we'll start our T-shirt project. Yay!), the Mall, a trip to McD (my first Prosperity Meal this year!) and some mini shopping trip, and home (back to the Residence). The rain caused me headache the whole day. Maybe I should get a cap next time.

Charlie went out with his friends. He watched the movie The Sinking of Japan. I thought we are going to watch the movie together! He was pretty surprised when I said I was at the Mall. When I was there he was already heading to the Cinema.

Maybe I made a wrong choice eating the Prosperity Meal. I ate the black pepper sauced burger with some dashes of extra peppers. And the orange-peach sundae! And the large Orange McFizz! My tummy was upset for a while. Walking after the meal helped me to feel a bit better. Luckily the bus trip wasn't really bad.

Back to my room, I took a shower. The Club's plan - a dinner - was waiting. I was a bit late. We went to the diner - a simple place opposite a beach (I've never seen the water though) packed with people, especially on weekends. Luckily Queenie had already booked a place, with some food already ordered, so our food came early. We ate, we chatted and joked. The usual us. We were the loudest patrons, I guess.

We ate a lot last night. I ate a lot last night. Some crazy mix of seafood, fish, chicken, and a giant glass of pineapple juice. I also popped in some Iron and Vitamin C pills. I upset my tummy once more, this time worse than during the day.

The trip back home was long. I already warned my friends not to pull some stupid stunt in the car. I kept my head low most of the time, complying the gravity. I felt better a few while later when we almost reached the Residence.

I stepped out from the car. Uh-oh... Wrong move. I guess standing up immediately is not the best thing to do when the tummy is upset. I walked slowly. Fighting the gravity is hard. I almost reached the Residence when I knew I couldn't hold it any longer. I wanted to run to the toilet, but I knew it was impossible, and it was too late. My tummy content was on the floor the next moment.

I went to the nearest pipe. I let the rest out. My nose was full of the meal I ate. Half digested. Eww... I hope the meal didn't enter my lungs. I ate some amount of chillies at dinner, it would be very bad if the spicy, hot capsaicin burned my lungs. Ouch! At least the bad taste didn't linger in my throat afterward. Only my nose.

I decided to sleep early, but failed to do so. My *lalala...* also suggested the same. It was half past 1. I SMSed him saying I couldn't sleep. I felt better when he said he'll accompany me. A hug from my *lalala...*, my head on his lap, his hand patting my head as he watched a movie, and a few moments later I was in the dreamland.

I had some unpleasant dream. I woke up at 8.30. My tummy was OK, my head wasn't. I checked my phone. He texted me last night at around 3 checking if I was OK. I SMSed my *lalala...*, but I didn't send the text. I fell asleep once again.

I woke up. It was almost 12. I climbed down the bed and sat in front of the computer. I chatted a few while and went to the shower. Uh-oh... My tummy wasn't completely well. I went to the toilet. Out my meal from last night.

I had lunch after shower. I guess I picked the wrong choice again. Some hot stuff in my meal and my tummy went to it's ritual of the day. It grumbled furiously. Uh-oh. Another trip to the toilet. Down the drain my food went. Maybe I should pick something for my tummy instead of for my taste buds.

And as I am typing this entry, I couldn't help but feel that I need to visit the toilet more today.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Skipping Class

Last night I left my computer at around 3 a.m. That was early. I climbed up the bed and continued texting my *lalala...*. We started texting since 1 a.m. He woke up at 12.44.

2:23 a.m. He was doing some serious work. Me? I was being the Naughty me, texting him saying that I was hugging him and kissing him on the cheek and playing with his ears. He knows I love blowing cool air to his ears. He just don't understand why. Anyway, it worked. He stopped a few times and finally quit at 3. We spent the rest of the night texting each other until half past 4. As usual, he fell asleep without giving me any hint. I thought I was the one who was going to doze off without saying goodbye. Hmm...

Anyway, I managed to sleep for a couple of hours. I woke up at 7, took a bath (no shower!) and wasted some time before going to class. I sat in the Computer Lab for the first half period and dashed to the Calculus class the next half. Pop Quiz for us. I did bad. And yeah, there was an assignment waiting, due next Thursday.

Another hour of class, and it was lunchtime. I didn't eat. I had Group Meeting. I thought we were to meet the Client, but luckily it was just some misunderstanding. The leader was late. He needed to treat the Group members some drinks. Jo and I decided to save the ka-ching for some better stuff later. Hehe... It took us only a while, discussing small matters.

Lunchtime!!! I was quite hungry actually. Haha... I went for lunch with the Queen. Actually Charlie and I planned to have a lunch date today, like we used to. Yesterday's was a buh-bye. And so was today's. His class ended early, so he headed home and only told me at lunchtime. Queenie played with some cats afterwards. Haha...Poor cats!

I went to my room, staring at the computer for a few moments. A couple of hours to waste before the next class at 4 p.m. I decided to catch an hour nap. I climbed up the bed, set the alarm and slept.

I woke up. Guess what? I was late for the class! I slept for two hours. God! 4.30 p.m., it would be totally useless trying to catch up with the class now. The class often ends early. I texted my *lalala...* and told him what happened. He was angry with me. He said I should have let him know so he could wake me up for class. He knew about me (accidentally) skipping yesterday's class. And now today's. I didn't do it on purpose. Skipping classes doesn't make me feel good. He was OK a few moments later, and said that I should study. The Lazy me have him some excuses. He bought them. He said he will SMS me tonight. Yay!

I took a shower and plopped down in front of my computer. As I type this entry, I remembered what my *lalala...* asked me to do. Yeah, I need to study.


Zm is here. He arrived yesterday, going home on Sunday.

K-Ong is here. With his girlfriend. He met two of his three 'wives', I wondered if he managed to see the other one. Hmm...

Night, Nightmare

I felt better after some sleep. The clock showed 7 p.m. I took a shower. Mandarin class at 8 p.m. Dinner after class at 10 p.m. We ordered early. Rice, meat, egg, soup. There was something missing from the order. Veggies. That was weird. I am always a veggie eater, and eat little proteins.

We were a bit late for the class. We didn't miss anything much anyway. There was a sound discrimination test. I'm never good at it. I often failed to discriminate the pronunciation and four tones of Mandarin.

Lesson 4 - Taking a Bus. We started with learning some new words. Laoshi taught us the correct pronunciation, we followed. It felt like being in the kindergarten. But that's how things go. That's how Mandarin classes go. Sometimes I felt like I need some kind of private tutor who is patient enough to teach me. I still can't pronounce things right. Even with the kindie-like teaching method. We finished learning the new words, and moved to reading the dialogues.

I sat next to a classmate. He is good in Mandarin. I suddenly felt uneasy. I'm a total loser in Mandarin. He'll definitely laugh at my words. That's what I was thinking. Laoshi asked him to read some other dialogues. Other than what we were learning at the moment. Laoshi appointed him to be a Tutor in the class, to help her out every now and then.

A classmate came late. Very late. Anyway, Laoshi continued the lesson. The the class paired up and practice. Me? Bl**p, I'm dead! I was somehow scared if I were to practice with him, he'll laugh his bl**p off. Anyway, Laoshi asked Late Guy to practice with me. And yes, we had our own Tutor. Haha...

The whole tutoring thing was funny. Tutor was no good. He didn't actually stressed on the four tones. I know why. Getting Late Guy pronouncing the syllables right was hard enough. Tutor was practically stressed out. I tried to help, but just a bit. Anyway, we did have some laugh listening to Late Guy. Poor guy!

Laoshi was practically scolding Tutor. I listened. I didn't understand her words. But I knew what it was about. I told Late Guy that Tutor was being scolded for not teaching the language properly. He didn't believe me. What? Just because I don't know Mandarin he thought I was bluffing? huhu~

The class ended. Dinner! Everybody was hungry. We picked our order up. The small table was full with food. We ate and chatted and joked until it was late. Oh. The Queen treated us a hot dog each.

I didn't bring my key. At first I was thinking of waiting for my Roomies to unlock the door. Unfortunately, I saw some stuff parked in front of the door. Uh-oh... Bad sign. Nobody was there. I panicked a bit, up to the point of thinking of climbing up the window. Twice in one week, locked outside. A total nightmare. At least the last time my Roomies were in, they were sleeping. But now? Noooooooooo!!!

I walked around in despair. Suddenly a Roomie appeared. Luckily she DID bring her keys. She was somewhere else, she didn't join my other Roomies out. She unlocked the door. God! How I was damn glad to be in my room. I need a place to sleep and clothes for tomorrow's class, OK.

So much things happened in one day!

Thursday, January 18, 2007


Sleeping late and waking up shocked that I'm late for classes is now like a trend for me. I have to admit, I broke my resolution of wanting to get regular sleep hours so I can wake up early. And I can give my *lalala...* a wake-up call every morning. That would be nice. I haven't done that for some time now. Haha... Most people who know me know that this is like a joke. I never sleep early. The earliest would be after dawn, and that's because I spend the night not sleeping.

What made sleeping regular hours late at night and waking up early is not exactly impossible for me? Well, unlike the regular 8, I just need some 6 hours of sleep. 4 would be sufficient enough if I can't get some 6. But yeah, I'm a loser. I would take some extra hours of sleep on weekends. Bad me... Baaaddd me...

Anyway, I slept late last night. Not really late, but maybe because I just had this "don't feel like it" feeling. I finished some document editing. I had some cereal drink before going to sleep. I climbed up my bed at around 4 a.m. and closed my eyes. It didn't take me long I guess before I fell asleep.

I woke up at 8. Late for class again. I rushed to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face, pulled a white shirt from the wardrobe and dressed up. One hour of early morning class and I can get a peaceful morning shower next. Or so I think. The class agreed for the period to be extended to two hours. Tomorrow's going to be cancelled. Urghh... I sat in the class for the next hour. It was boring. I spent most of the time daydreaming. Hehe... The room was cool (I'm talking about the temperature here) but for me it was cold. I should have had the morning shower. It would be less cold.

Anyway I was really glad the class was over. Time to get a nice shower. I didn't join my friends to the Cafe. I headed to the bathroom and spent some 20 minutes. S texted me. He was at the Cafe, he thought maybe we could spend some few minutes together. By the time I've done showering, he already left. (-_-) (sigh!) Maybe next time...

Time for the next class. It was boring. But OK. I felt sleepy. The hour passed. Time for the next class. We had quiz. At the beginning of the class? Wow... That was new to me. Most of the quizzes I had was done at the end of the class. I wasn't prepared, but I guess I had half of it correct. Hehe... No lecture today. Yay!

I was thinking of taking a nap but I didn't (sigh!) I felt throbbing pain in my head. Anyway, time for the 2 p.m. class. The class was long. I mean, longer than the usual. The lecturer often finish a class in half of the time provided (e.g.: two-hour class in one hour, one-hour class in half an hour) Anyway, the class ended. I had to wait for an hour before the Calculus class start. I met Charlie, we walked to the ATM to check our account balances. His was short some few hundred bucks. Hmm... I met Far at the ATM, she said the Calculus class was cancelled. I headed back to the Residence.

My headache is getting worse. I need some rest before tonight's Mandarin class.

Saturday, January 13, 2007


by L'Arc~en~Ciel

Nakanaide nakanaide taisetsu na hitomi wo
Kanashisa ni tsumazuite mo shinjitsu wo miteite ne
Sono mama no anata de ite

Daisuki na sono egao kumorasete gomen ne
Inotte mo toki no nagare hayasugite tooku made
Nagasareta kara modorenakute

Aa odayaka na kagayaki ni irodorare
Saigetsu wa yori wo yume kaeru mitai dakara me wo korashite saa!

Anata no sugu soba ni mata atarashii hana ga umarete
Komorebi no naka de asayaka ni yureteru

Itsumade mo mimamotte agetai kedo mou daijoubu
Yasashii sono te wo matteru hito ga iru kara kao wo agete

Nee tooi hi ni koi wo shita ano hito mo
Uraraka na kono kisetsu aisuru hito to ima
Kanjiteru kana ?

Aa watashi no kakera yo chikara tsuyoku habataite yuke
Furikaeranaide hiroi umi o koete
Takusan no hikari ga itsu no hi ni mo arimasu you ni
Anata ga iru kara kono inochi wa eien ni tsuzuite yuku

Aa ryoute ni afuresou na omoidetachi karenai you ni
Yukkuri ashita wo tazunete yuku kara
Watashi no kakera yo chikara tsuyoku habataite yuke
Furi kaeranaide hiroi umi wo koete

English translation:

Don't cry, don't cry your precious eyes
Even if you're stumbling in sorrow
Just look at the truth
Please stay the way you are

Sorry for clouding that smile of yours that I love
Even if I pray, the flow of time is too fast
And I've drifted too far to return

Oh, be colored in the brilliant radiance
It seems that time turns the nights into dreams
So strain your eyes, see!

Right next to you
A new flower is blooming once again
It sways brilliantly in the light through the trees

I want to always watch over you
But it's all right now
Because there's someone waiting for your gentle hand
Lift up your face

Is that person who fell in love so long ago
Even now, in this bright season
Still moved by the one they love?

Oh, pieces of me
Fly reassuringly
Don't turn back, cross the wide ocean
That one day
There would be much light
Because you're here
My life will continue through eternity

Oh, that these memories overflowing your hands
Would not wither
As you slowly visit tomorrow
Pieces of me, fly reassuringly
Don't turn back, cross the wide ocean


It was a boring Saturday. I woke up late. It was around 10 a.m. I cleaned up my space. I'm not a tidy person. My space was still in it's not-so-tidy state. At least the floor now cleared from unwanted items. I took my shower. Brrr... The water was damn cold lately.

I sat in front of my computer. My eyes stared at the screen. My mind was somewhere else, lost in its own world of nothingness. I plugged my mp4 player's earphone. It played some songs. I skipped some. I didn't feel like doing anything.

The player played a song. It was Pieces, by L'Arc~en~Ciel, my fav Japanese rock band. It was converted from the video clip. The conversion ruined the song, the tempo was somehow faster, like a remix. It made the song sounded weird. I listened anyway. The video clip played in my mind:

It tells a story of a dagger, happens in a century's period.

Sicily, 1899. A loyal butler came to his old master. He whispered a few words to the master, and then stabbed him with the Dagger. He was shocked from his own act.

London, 1927. A couple was in a shop. The Dagger was in a wooden box, together with some metal items. The shopkeeper was cleaning his glasses. The guy took the Dagger and stabbed his girl. Blood was dripping from the Dagger. The shopkeeper put on his glasses.

Warsaw, 1940. A soldier lied face down on the ground, dead. A boy was standing next to his body, looking up to the sky.

Hong Kong, 1964. A guy was being chased by some men. He hid inside a building and took a little girl hostage on the top floor. He was scanning the bottom floor for any signs of the men, and was stabbed with the Dagger. Blood dripped from It.

Chicago, 1972. A small boy was riding his tricycle when he found the Dagger lying on the dirt. A woman (his Mom?) was calling out for him. He rode to her. She fell down, dead on the ground of her compound. He rode away.

New York, 1999. The band walked on the streets of NY. Hyde stopped in front of a guy with the Dagger. He bought It. The Dagger exchanged hands. The band went into a building. They went through a spinning glass door. Tetsu was walking in when he suddenly dropped on the floor. Hyde was behind him. There was no guilty feeling on his face.

What is the story behind the Dagger? It took away the life of the person you love. It made innocents kill. I always wished I knew what it was about.

The song always stir me up. I never know what the song is about. I searched for the lyric, and the translation. The clip, the lyrics and the song itself, each has its own strength.

I sank into a world of emptiness, where my mind isolated my body and the busy world around me turned silent. I wished the Time would stop so I can stay longer in this silent world. I realised that I wished for such moments more frequently now.

Something snapped me back to reality. Back into my room. I was in front of the computer. It was 3 p.m. Nobody noticed me, or my mind travel to another world. I acted like nothing happened. Late lunch/early dinner for me today.

Get yourself a Pieces here. (Ermm... You get what I mean, right?)

Thursday, January 11, 2007

I Need a Break

I had a lot of some tasks in my lists. I was mentally tired. I took some full-of-disturbance 10-minute nap. My Roommate should learn to keep her voice down. I'm not a regular 10-minute-napper-in-the-middle-of-the-night type of person. I needed to stay up through the night. I needed some break!

I slept early last night, at around 3 a.m. The morning class is cancelled, but I have Group Meeting to attend. I installed my trusted (so far) antivirus software in Ij's notebook and left the stuff to work while I'm sleeping. It took me a while before I finally dozed off.

I woke up at 7.30. God! I rushed to the bathroom and spent some usual 20 minutes in the shower. I quickly rushed to the Cafe. Luckily the Group decided to walk a short distance to the Cafe instead of the Library, or else I would be like 10 minutes late. I was late anyway. They started early. I took a seat next to Jo. I apologised for being late. Well, I was actually right on time. Or else I would be penalised - buying some drinks for them. I don't mind paying. I just don't want to miss anything important.

9.33 a.m. Somebody knocked on the door. I felt like the door was about to be knocked down. For a moment I was stunned. It scared me. I felt slightly confused. Who was that? Certainly she's not someone who is used to the room, banging on the door like it was a 1-inch solid-wood door. And yeah, it gave me the feeling like someone is about to raid the room.

I calmed down a bit and continued working on my project. I still couldn't figure out a lot of things, and my time is running out.

A few moments later the clock showed 9.50 a.m. I had an appointment with my Supervisor for the weekly meeting. I didn't have anything to show to him, but he was OK with that. He reminded me and my partner on the time constraints. I know. We will be damn busy later, and if we don't have any positive progress now we won't have enough time for later.

It was almost 11 a.m. We went to the class. I felt sleepy (-_-) I sat at the front row, I bet the Lecturer saw me sleeping. Hehe...

The class ended early. I headed to the next class. I didn't have to rush, I had plenty of time. I waited for the classroom to be empty. Hmm... It's going to take them some few minutes. I sat down and continue the Monster Sudoku game I left last week. I don't have the time to spend a lot on Sudoku lately.

A few minutes later people were walking out of the class. I took my seat at the middle/back row and continued on my Sudoku. I didn't pay much attention in the class. It was Chapter 1, the introduction. One in a while I raised my gaze from the Sudoku and stared at the screen. Oh, just another slide. The same I read last year.

The class finished early. I walked out. I decided to skip mu lunch today. I walked to the Residence with the Sudoku in my hand. People were walking slowly. I walked past them without looking up.

Now I'm in my room. No more Sudoku. I checked on the progress of Ij's notebook. I'll take a few minutes nap before the 2 p.m. class.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

What a Day!

I slept early last night. 3 a.m. is early enough if you're used to a few nights sleeping at dawn. I slept a lot yesterday, yet I felt mentally tired. I need to regulate my sleep.

Last night my *lalala...* texted me. He was in his naughty mode. Maybe it was the weather. It was cold last night. He said he wanted to hug me. Haha... :P Anyway he slept soon enough, he left me waiting for his reply. He is always like that. If only he would remember to tell me when he is sleepy....

Anyway, the morning class is a lab session. Mine was at 10 a.m. So I had some extra hours of morning sleep. I texted my friends and asked if they had their session this morning. Nope. Yay (^_^) I slept for some few more hours.

I woke up at 11 a.m. I took a shower and waited for my friends for the next class. I had my lunch. Instant rice noodles. I finished my meal, grabbed my stuff and headed for the class. The sky was drizzling. It always does lately.

The class went slow. Luckily it was only some introduction class. Most of us didn't pay too much attention. Hehe...

The class ended on lunch hour. Luckily everybody else's class ends earlier than us, they usually have earlier lunch. The Cafe was not so crowded, but the food is not tempting. It is Wednesday, anyway. People go out.

I didn't have any lunch. I didn't feel like eating anything. Anyway, I had my instant lunch earlier. I waited until 2.15 p.m. and headed for the appointment for a project. Everything went OK I guess. Until we had our Group Meeting later. Some issues are confusing. I guess we need to set another appointment and clear things up. But we skipped those issues and concentrated on whatever thing we currently have.

The meeting ended. I went to the Mini Mart and bought some buns and breads. I ate peanut butter sandwiches. I hadn't eaten any peanut butter sandwich for a while. They tasted good. I worked on some stuff on my computer. The headache I had earlier (did I mention it? Or didn't I? Hmm...) was getting more painful than before. God! I wish it wasn't the same thing I had that made me crying the whole night just to fall asleep.

Dinner was scheduled on 7.30 p.m. But the Queen (hehe...) was late. It's OK. I'm not really hungry, maybe because of the peanut butter sandwiches. Or maybe I drink too much. Anyway, we ordered the exact same thing for dinner, the three of us. Haha... It felt funny somehow.

I waited for Ij to text me. He said he had some trouble with his notebook. Here we go again. But I'm OK with that. He had some meeting going on, so I waited for some time before we met at the Cafe and he gave me his notebook. I'm glad nobody really pushes me to do these kind of things quickly.

I plopped down in front of my computer, typing some boring stuff here. Oh, wait. Some social visit. Not really a visit. Just a drop by, file transferring moment. A few chats and buh-bye.

My room is now silent. I have a list of things to do. I guess I have no time to waste. Better start doing some serious stuff now!

Notebook + Matlab + Mandarin = Tired!!!

Somebody asked me when will I post the next entry. Teehee...

Yesterday I woke up late after spending the whole night monitoring some installation. Charlie asked if my morning classes are over. I don't have any. So we had lunch together. He he didn't want to pick his notebook that noon. So I was thinking of spending some time with it and see if I can have it fixed.

I went to the class, it was boring coz we didn't get to use the software we were supposed to use in the lab. Hmm... I felt sleepy.

The class was over. I went back to my room. The first thing I was about to do is to get some sleep. But I spent an hour or so staring at computer screens, mine and Charlie's. His notebook had to endure some more torturing moments. I finally managed to enter the BIOS of Charlie's notebook. Whew... And so the important stuff was fixed. There was still some issues, I think it must be the installer he used previously. Hmm...

I climbed up to bed and slept for a few hours. I woke up. I was almost late for my Mandarin class. Huhu~ I quickly took a shower and waited for my friends. It was raining lightly.

The class was OK. But my Mandarin wasn't. It is rusty. I still can't differentiate the four tones correctly. I need to practice more. We missed two previous classes because of the public holidays. We were scheduled to have the next class on Thursday.

I need to do more practice.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Wishing for a Night Sleep

The Club's first meeting went well. Many new members turned up. I went to the meeting late (-_-) huhu~ I was thinking of going early but somebody took me as a hostage and asked me to stay until after she finished her dinner. Haha... (Dear Phi, if you're reading this, yes, it's you!)

Everybody was cool enough last night. The Seniors (us!) taught the Newbies some songs we used to warm up. The Newbies were cool to follow us and do the Lalala thing. It felt weird though...

*Flashing back to the memories of SH:05/06:

We joined the Club, met the Coach, learned a lot of things from him. The Coach was not always there for Us, but he had taught us enough. The Club had trips to many places, and each We enjoyed being together.

Many of Us had taken the Club as a personal thing. No longer it's just a Club, it's a Family. Ups and downs together. We had lots of fun. And We hoped to keep it that way.

Our practice were usually accompanied by the keyboard, played by Our beloved musician, G. He can play more than just the keyboard. And is very talented. With a talent like his, who needs professional music classes just to play the basics? We started with the very basic voice practices and gradually added more.

*And now back to Now:

We didn't have the keyboard and the person capable to play it. So the warm up demo was quite a mess. Haha... But at least the Newbies got the idea what it's going to be like. Some who had joined Us earlier helped with the demo. Thanx you guys! (^_^)

And We had a special guest coming! Our beloved Mo, came to see how things are going. It was a great surprise (^_^) I mean, we know how busy he is now, we didn't expect him to show up and join us. I hope we were good enough, he could leave the Club knowing we can handle it pretty well. A special salute to him, for dedicating his time to build up the Club and the Family as it is now. And for trusting us. Hehe... He made us work hard (on our own) At first I thought he was mean not to help us a lot (yes, we relied on him A LOT!) but now I think he's a great guy for letting us do things on our own.

The meeting was over pretty quick. I headed to the Cafe. Charlie was waiting for me. He had some trouble with his notebook. I'm his free computer-fixing center. People thought we sat there for some lovey-dovey thing. No. He was worried about his computer. Fixing a notebook is not cheap. And Charlie can't afford paying some large sum of ka-ching for some minor problems. I know that. He didn't put the pressure on me though. He said I can check his notebook whenever I'm free. I know he needs it fast.

The night was cold and strong wind started to blow. The rain started drizzling. Charlie quickly excused himself. He didn't want to get caught in the rain. No more fever please.

Nz was here earlier, when I was with Charlie. Charlie left and I saw Nz nearby. I thought it would be rude to ask him to sit and have some chat while he was with his friends. He was there with no particular reason. He wasn't dragged to come over, but he did, apparently because he wanted to meet us, and the rest of the Club. So we sat at an empty table nearby, chatting. Queenie joined us too. And Mo. We thought Mo had already left. He was with us for a short moment though. He needed to wake up early to work.

It was almost midnight when Nz's friend wanted to leave. Short goodbyes and I was in my room. I took some time to have a look at S's notebook. The problem is exactly like what he said. I ran some tests to figure out what the problem is. He requested for it to be reformatted. And so I did. I spent my whole night looking at computer screens, mine and his. God! I need to take care of my eyes. I think I'm going to need a pair of spectacles really soon. I checked his, and installed Matlab in mine. My computer needs some vacation.

The morning light visited the windows when I'm finally done with S's notebook. I still need to figure out how to enter the BIOS. I failed. I skipped that and left mine with Matlab installation. I was glad the day's class was not until 2 p.m.

I had some hot choc and now ready to take my daily dose of needed rest. I'm off.

Monday, January 8, 2007


What a busy day. I slept late last night. Night? I should say morning. Around 5.15 a.m. It was almost dawn! I had some hot choc right before I climbed up to bed.

I woke up late in the morning. I think it was around 9 a.m. Sleepy-headed me thought it was almost noon. I was supposed to attend the group meeting for our project at 11 a.m. Thinking I was already late I created excuses (halfway!) before I sank into the world of pillows and blanket (and teddies) again.


I woke up at 10.30 a.m. WHAT?! I AM LATE!!! I climbed down and hurriedly took my shower. My roomies left the lights on, confusing me (I hate figuring out what the time is when the lights are on in the morning!) and the fans! (Ohhh... I'm cold. Time to hibernate... Zzz...) I put on my clothes (T-shirt, jeans, socks) combed my hair, grabbed some few stuff and sprinted (it falls into sport/exercise category, isn't it?) for the Library. Quick check: 3 minutes late!

There was some few minutes of delay because we waited at the different sections of the Library. The discussion went OK. Everybody seemed to be grateful it ended on time. 1 hour. Looks like we're going to be fine if we stick to this kind of meeting. No late-comer that will drag the thing from 1 hour to 2. But then again this is only the beginning.

I had lunch. I ate like I had starved for days a lot. I munched on a lot of veggies (as usual!) I've had enough of jaw exercise, I guess. Luckily I didn't take any meat. Sometimes they taste like rubbers. That would require more chewing. Haha...

The class is at 4 p.m. It was only 1 p.m. so I spent my time doing nothing. Chatted with some friends for a while. Browsing for stuff on the net. Plain boring stuff. And then it was almost 4 p.m. Huhu~ what a great way of using my time. I need to have a daily schedule!

It was raining. I don't have an umbrella, and am not bothered to buy one. Or borrow one. It was just a shower anyway. So I walked in the rain (I love rain!) to class. I saw S walking to class with some friends. No umbrella. I felt sorry for him. He was recovering from the fever, and had to walk in the rain. But he looked cute though :P

The class went so-so. We were supposed to present on Software Quality Factors. A group stole accidentally took our topic, and so, we didn't have the stuff to present. God! The presenters of each group got a coupon, redeemable for some extra marks later (I NEED THAT STUFF!!!)

We had our first Quiz. Open book. But nobody is prepared. Not even the top-scorers. Well, his class is a nightmare for note-takers. We didn't have the chance to jot down anything. And he knows that well. He's nasty. And mean. Well, I guess we just have to work harder in his class... (sigh!)

The class ended. The shower hadn't. And here I am, in front of the computer, wasting my time. Haha... I don't feel like having dinner. Maybe I'll just grab some light stuff. We're going to have the club's first meeting tonight. I'm feeling excited (^_^)

My *lalala...*? I'm thinking of calling him tonight. I hope he's not too tired to pick up the phone and say "Hi".

Short Sunday

I woke up late. Waking up late on Sunday mornings are normal. Sunday morning? Heck! I almost missed the afternoon! Haha... I slept a lot. I stayed up late, finishing my Assignment. I don't remember the time my head hit the pillow, but the Sun was up and everybody else seemed like they're ready to start the day.

Good night~ Zzz...

My Sunday started late. 2 p.m. shower when I was supposed to have it in the morning. Then lunch when people are having tea-time. Super late lunch? Or super early dinner. Whatever. As long as I ate something for the day. I don't really care about my eating habit (where, when, what...)

Nothing much happened during the day. I planned to meet S when he arrived, but he wasn't feeling very well and had asked his friend to pick him up. Poor guy! He fell sick often lately.

Queen of Clubs had to attend a meeting with some Even Bigger People. Anyway, I asked her if I could follow. She gave me the green light. She hates this kind of meeting herself. We decided to come together and spend the time there chatting or doing whatever thing we feel like doing. And we did. Hehe... Yeah, the meeting was boring. Nothing much to do with the Club. I'm glad the Club is cool enough we did our activities underground :P And will do it again! Hehe...

The Even Bigger People suggested a T-shirt design for the club (the Club is a sub of the club) so we're going to have the same design for everybody. The design suggested was taken from a rejected cancelled idea. But some people objected. So there will be a selection for the design, to be submitted before the end of this month. Maybe I'll submit something. Hmm...

Quick notes:

Nj dropped by yesterday (Saturday night) just to say hi and have some chat. Aww... so sweet of him...

Waiterrant.net is now on Myspace! Yeah! The profile is in red and white, just like the blog.

I put a Shout Out section in my page. I'm working on getting the Shout Box to fit into my page nicely. Feel free to use it. I'll reply whenever I can.

I have some stuff to do. Group presentation in tomorrow's class. I just got a group (I'm a leftover) and now I think I should start working on it (-_-)

Saturday, January 6, 2007

Mixed Feelings

A lot of things happened. I need to catch my breath.

I woke up *almost* late in the morning (read previous post) and was rushing for the Calculus class. I didn't comb my hair. I lost my comb a few days earlier. Haha... That doesn't bother me much. My hair combed and uncombed look almost exactly the same. I've had many incidents where people thought my hair was a mess when I did take some time (just a few minutes) to comb my hair, but never actually said anything when I went about with my hair uncombed (after shower. I let my hair air-dried) The class ended early, but we stayed for the quiz. I hate quizzes. I didn't come prepared. And I'm never good in Maths. And surd. And conjugates. Arghh!!!

A few classes later, then it was lunchtime. Hehe... I was thinking of getting some few minutes of nap. Half an hour or so. I totally forgot about the case study that was given by the lecturer. We were supposed to discuss it in class. I did some quick reading and jotted down whatever I can understand. Haha...

The afternoon class went on normally. Except for one thing. The class ended 10 minutes later than it should be. OMG! I quickly headed to the next class. My classmates had puzzled look on their faces. Well, that class was the last for them. But I have to catch another class. And I was late! I bid quick goodbye to some, and dashed to the exit. I went to the class and guess what? Nobody was there! I waited for some few minutes, puzzled. But then I figured out - the class has been cancelled and nobody informed me. Urghh...!

The next stop was the office. I was thinking of meeting my Supervisor and tell him the problem I had. I don't think I can have the stuff he requested to be ready by Monday. Huhu~ But he wasn't available (sigh!)

Around 8 p.m. after I finished taking my shower I sent Charlie to the bus stop. He was going home. Without me. Huhu~ (-_-) He said the T-shirt I was wearing is too small. Huh? I did wear the same T-shirt in front of him a number of times. And he never said it is TOO SMALL. Small, yes. But too small? Huhu~ Looks like I'm getting fat I gained some few more a couple of pounds (noooooooooooo!!!)

Anyway there were three jerks loitering at the bus stop. Urghh! At first we ignored them but somehow I felt like they eavesdropped on us! And when Charlie boarded the bus, as I stood up and crossed the road I could hear some ugly noises calling me. Those jerks! I headed straight to my room and spent some few minutes in front of the computer before the Queen of Clubs (hehe...) came with some food. Yay! My dinner!

Nz dropped by for a while. He was with his friends. And he has to work tomorrow. Aww... But some funny stuff happened when we were waiting for him. A bunch of guys sitting at the table next to us asked if we have a lighter (it was for a girl's birthday candles) and later they jokingly asked us to sing a birthday song. To their surprise, we actually sang. The reward? Two fat slices of Secret Recipe's cheesecake. Yum!!!

Nz joined us. We ate the cake, chatted, joked around. It was fun (^_^) If only we don't have to part (sigh!) I missed SH a lot. We all do. Hmm...

Some 'social visit' happened in my room. Haha... That was a funny term. I borrowed it from the Residence's Rules and Regulations :P

Anyway, when the 'social visit' was over, I discussed the project with my partner in crime. I expressed my worries about the missing thesis our Supervisor lent to us. Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention about the thesis.

Well, somebody borrowed the thesis from me 'for a while'. That was in last semester, a few weeks before the holiday. And the thesis was never to be seen again. I forgot who borrowed it, but I narrowed the Suspects to two. And I was positive on one than the other. So I asked Suspect #1 in class this morning, and she said it is not in her keeping. Uh-oh! I remembered positively the other Suspect didn't keep it (I went to her room to borrow a book and the thesis was not there). I panicked at the thought of losing the thesis (what the bl**p should I say to my Supervisor?!).

Guess what? My partner said she had a thesis with her, given by Suspect #1. She didn't remember who borrowed her copy of thesis, and thought the one given was the one borrowed from her. God! I am positive that that copy of thesis is mine. I just need to check some stuff in it to confirm it. What the bl**p was I doing, unnecessarily wasting my time panicking?! Haha... Now I feel a bit relieved. I don't know for sure if the copy is mine, but at least I know I was right about Suspect #1 did borrow something from me. And if she did borrow the thesis from me, fat chances are the copy is mine. It is not lost! Yay!

My *lalala...* should be home by midnight. I waited for some sign from him to indicate that he is available, but I got none. I texted him. He replied late. He arrived safely and went out with his friends before heading home. I am feeling very sleepy now. I did texted him some few more times but he didn't ask me to call him. Maybe he's too tired and doesn't want to receive any call. Well... Maybe next time. I'll call him tomorrow. (sigh!) He shouldn't asked me to call him the first place. At least I won't have to wait. Hmm...

I'm off to sleep. (-_-)zzZZ...

Friday, January 5, 2007

What a Relief!

Ahh... What a relief!

I'm bad at time-managing. I spent some few hours doing nothing and the next few hours trying to finish everything and catching my minimum sleeping hour.

I was trying to create a poster-like announcement for the club. We're going to have our first meeting on Monday night. And we're still hoping on late registrations. The more, the merrier! I already have some stuff in mind, and I did try to do it earlier. But I waited for the text, so the task has only begun a few hours back. I had some photos from last sem selected to be in the announcement (thank God I don't have to select the photos myself!) and the text, and all I have to do was getting all of them stuffed into an A4-sized page.

I was half-way of finishing the poster when suddenly the Sleep Fairy paid me a visit. Uh-oh... I knew this was going to happen. I texted my *lalala...* and he asked me to catch a nap and he said he'll give me a wakeup call a few minutes later.

I woke up earlier than his call, and I called him. We chatted for a while. He was about to sleep. He's going home tonight. Aww... I thought we planned to go home on a same date someday later so we can spend some time together afterwards. But he has a strong reason for doing that - he left the Library's book at home and so he had to make the quick decision without a proper planning. Yes, I can just buy a ticket and go home, but I don't have enough ka-ching right now. I'm saving for a later trip. He was tired and he has morning classes, so we stopped early (it was 1.20 a.m. and he needs his 8-hour sleep)

I continued working on the poster. I was running on Lazy Mode, so I saved my work (in Photoshop) and continued the rest in Photoshop Element. I cropped the photos using the cookie-cutters, resized and arranged them at the edges of the page, use simple font for the text, and WALLAH...!!! A 'poster' that should works fine in telling people about the first meeting we're going to have, and some happy-looking club members, that might make people feel interested in joining. Haha...

I need to sleep. I have morning classes (yawn!) Nite!

Thursday, January 4, 2007


Note: This is going to be a really short post.

Arghh!!! It's a nightmare! Somebody found out about this blog (and another one, my friend's) and caught us! We were planning to keep this a secret. First, from each other until the 10th entry. We didn't wait for the 10th. We gave each other's link so we can have a sneak peek but later we keep on reading each other's entries.

We tried to keep this a secret, until maybe someday later. A suggested date was our birthdays. Hehe... Seems like somebody spoiled the surprise! Well, now she doesn't have to keep hers a secret anymore. Me? I don't really mind now if anybody read mine. Haha...

On another note, my fav blog has new entry. Now with different adventures. I can't wait! Check it out: Waiterrant.net and go through the previous entries. You'll understand why I'm excited about every new entry now. (^_^)

Life Has Just Begun

Well, today is quite a busy day. Classes have started. My day was packed. Morning classes, appointment with project supervisor, afternoon classes. Luckily some classes were kept short (shorter than they should) but ended up wasting my time for the next classes. Hmm...

Anyway, nothing much happened today. My supervisor asked me the progress of the project. I'm dead. I had none started yet. Hehe... :P Need to work that out. Scheduling some time on the project. Plus some other classes' projects. Hmm...

My timetable is going to be re-scheduled. That means no Friday late afternoon class. Yay! And one Monday class (the only one) is going to be re-scheduled too. Aww... :( that means I'll need to go to the Calculus tutorial class. Huhu~ (but I do need it badly!)

The assignment I thought should be submitted tomorrow is actually due on Monday. Yeah!!! And I have a partner on that too. But having a partner for that assignment doesn't excite me at all. Hey, I'm almost done with it! And I'm sure he's going to be a pain if he asks me what he needs to do. Whatever. I'm going to have mine finished just-in-case.

My beloved head-of-club (Queen of Clubs?) and I are going to work on the first meeting of the club. Yay! We're going to get some posters done. I hope more people (especially guys!) are going to sign up. The more, the merrier!

(Note: We need the boys not for our personal amusement, mind you! But if we do find some really amusing ones, it doesn't kill, does it?)

I have some out-of-zone (college) stuff listed too. I'll work on them later. I need to keep up with this now-and-here stuff first. And I don't have ka-ching to travel back home right now. So I guess they'll have to wait.


by My Chemical Romance

Turn away
If you could get me a drink
Of water cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me
In all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,

Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you.

Now turn away,
Cause I'm awful just to see
Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body,
All my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo,
But counting down the days to go.
It just ain't living

And I just hope you know,
That if you say,
Good-bye today,
I'd ask you to be true,

Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you...

Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you...

I can't have enough of this song. I have it played on my playlist repeatedly, continuously. I think the song is just beautiful. Ohhh... I'm soooooooo in love with this song. And yes, this is not my first time listening to it. I've been playing it for weeks now. I can't wait for the clip to be aired on TV! (^_^)

This song and some few other songs are my fav in The Black Parade. No, I'm not addicted to Welcome to the Black Parade. I'll listen to it every now and then but please, not everyday. I suggest Cancer, I Don't Love You and Disenchanted. Cancer and I Don't Love You are slow tracks. Those who prefers the screaming Gerard should just get their first album. And just like their previous albums, they included one hidden track. The track is Blood, a very short track with catchy lyrics and tunes.


W and I were so into these songs we actually put the title and some lyrics in our thought bubbles in Skype.

This was hers:

I don't love u

And this was mine:

I will not kiss you
Coz the hardest part of this is leaving you

And people kept on asking what was it about. Haha... It was funny.

One day my *lalala...* went online and saw it. He immediately asked me if that was meant for him and I won't kiss him. He sounded sad, maybe he thought I was trying to avoid him and he'll lose me. Aww... That was sweet...

Well, he was afraid coz he was still in the middle of some crisis with his ex. You know, the love/hate thing, the want/don't want you back thing... Yeah, I am a rebound. Some sort of thing-he-has-just-in-case-their-relationship-doesn't-work-out-well. I'm aware of that. Even until now. Maybe he didn't realise it. Or maybe it was different from his point-of-view. Losing me after her is just something that I know he couldn't take very well. I'm his friend after all. But what he never actually realise is I will keep my promise to stay with him whenever he needs me, not necessarily as a girlfriend but as a friend. Just like what I promised him earlier.

My answer was: That is not for you. If I could then I would kiss you each and everytime I have the chance.

Haha. It did felt kind of weird though...

I did told him that it was just a song. I wish I could make him listen to it for at least once. Anyway, I think he was really sweet when he asked me that question. And yeah, I've got lots of kisses lately (so what if I only get them in my phone?), after that incident. Hehe...

Anyway, I'm still waiting for the clip. Well, actually I can't really wait. But I'll try to be really patient :P

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

New Me?

Hmm... I'm not so sure if this can ever be considered as a New Year's resolution. I said to myself I would study hard, but I know I'm just lying to myself and yes, it does make me feel bad (-_-)

Anyway, this is only the second week of the semester. My to-do list is building up. I'm sure by next week I'm going to be busy with a lot of stuff, academic and non-academic. So that means less time for my *lalala...* and time-wasting stuff. But I'm not going to lose myself into a world with very minimal human contact. Please! I've had enough of it in my childhood. Huhu~

Less time for my *lalala...*? Hmm... We're aware of that. He's going to busy too. We've had some sort of agreement. Both of us will be busy this semester. We need to concentrate on mostly academic-based stuff. Books. Papers. Tests. Reports. Arghh...! They're driving me insane. I concentrate on my stuff, he concentrates on his. And the reward is: getting to spend some day together this semester. Yay! I'm sooo excited! But he never actually promised me this. Maybe he'll be busy with some stuff (sports or anything) and so we'll never actually get the time to spend with each other. Hmm... Whatever. I'm working hard on my grades, I hope I can keep this positive vibe until the end of the semester. :P

My schedule is packed with a lot of stuff. My class time-table is more packed than everyone else in class. There are visible gaps if you were to see it. But hey, I have lots of projects queuing in my list. I hope I can still keep my composure and get through this sem in one piece. Haha... (I guess I should be thankful I skipped a 3-credits subject although I'll have to spend another sem taking it, or else I'll have to do a total of 20 credits this sem!)

My final year project is the biggest thing I have to concentrate on this sem. Huhu~ I can't bear making a lot of mistakes in this one. God, help me! As far as I know, I have some clues on what I'll be doing. I understand well how the things work, but am I able to actually put it to work? And can I have it done (completed, tested) before the time runs out? Huhu~ I'm scared (-_-) So far my project supervisor is being really nice and helpful (and yeah, the fact that he's a really cute 30-y/o doesn't hurt a bit. Hehe...) Hope everything is going to turn out fine.

Extracurricular activities? Well, I already have some tasks waiting to be done. The club I'm in is getting more new members. Yay! (^_^) We are soooo glad they want to join us. But that means more work and less time. Huhu~ I'll get through this. Plus, this club is a great way to channel out some energy. And it's a great place to mix with people too (^_^) I'll be more than glad to spend some few hours with these great people. I can't wait to meet the new members. Hope they're as crazy as we were last sem.

Sports? I'm not into sports. But paintball is an exception. I'm not going to miss another tournament. And hey, the club planned to do wall-climbing too! Yay! (^_^) X-games. Can they be considered as sports? Hmm... Anyway, I'm going to stick with this club and yeah, I'll try my best not to miss the activities. Ohhh...! I'm soooo excited!

Hmm... This post is short enough, but I guess it sums up pretty much what I have in my list. I'm going to be busy. Very busy.

No More *lalala...*...?

My *lalala...* is a normal guy and he stretches to the extend of being not-really-normal. Yeah he's like some ordinary guy. Sports, games... Books for grades, not for fun (that's normal enough, right?) and joking and teasing. He bullies me in front of his friends most of the time, at times I put my fake smile and laugh with them. Most of the time the friends make me feel like 'Yeah, that's just a joke' while I try not to take him seriously and cry. Hmm...

Sounds bad? We won't hold hands in front of the guys when we hang out. No holding hands, no sweet talks, nothing. Why? Coz we're keeping this secret. I wish I could hold his hand in front of his buddies. But no. He would talk to them like I'm just a girl buddy. Not someone special.

When we're out of his 'Buddy Zone' (where he can be easily seen by his buddies, thus he doesn't want to be caught holding hands with me) he's a really nice guy. Yes, sometimes he's being annoying and stuff, but he knows how to make me feel special (or was it just me who feels that he does it on purpose while he doesn't even intended such acts? Hmm...)

Anyway, here are some conversations we had last night (I was writing the previous post at that time)

Me: (waiting for him to pick up the phone) ... (trying a few more times)


Me: (waiting for him to pick up the phone) ... (again) ... Hi. Where are you?
Him: I dunno. I think I'm on the Moon right now.
Me: The Moon?
Him: Yeah, the Moon.
Me: Huh?
Him: No, I'm somewhere, after T.
Me: Oh, OK. So you're getting near now.
Him: Umm... Yeah. I guess. I need to pee.
Me: The bus is not stopping somewhere? It will stop, right? Just hang on...
Him: Yeah, OK. Call me later. (click!)


Me: (waiting...) ... Hello.
Him: Hello. I'm peeing.
Me: Uhh... OK. (click!)


Me: (waiting...) ... (waiting...) ... (again) ...

So I SMSed him:

Me: I called you just now, but I couldn't reach you. Why?
Him: I didn't pick up the phone.
Me: Why?
Him: I was asleep.
Me: Sorry to disturb you.
Him: No... I was waiting for your call.

Me: (waiting...) ... (again) ... Uh... Hello.
Him: Hello.
Me: So what are you doing?
Him: Just arrived. Can you call me later? I want to unpack some stuff.
Me: Uh... OK. Ring me when you're done.
Him: OK. (click!)

One missed call and one SMS later:

Me: Hi... So what are you doing?
Him: I'm stuffed. I'm full. I ate a lot just now. Have you had your dinner?
Me: Yeah.
(I'll skip this part)

Him: What if E and I get back together?
Me: Huh? What?
Him: What if we get back together? What will you do?
Me: ... (silent) ... (click! Wrong button) (click! Wrong button again) (click! Wrong button again!) (click!)

I cried last night. Like I always did when I was alone. But last night was different. I was hurt by his words. I called him back a moment later.

Me: Hello. Sorry.
Him: You hung up on me. Why?
Me: Nothing.
Him: Why?
Me: Nothing.
Him: You're crying.
Me: No I'm not. I had flu.
Him: Are you mad at me?
Me: Huh? Why should I?
Him: You hung up on me. You hit the wrong button a few times. Why?
Me: Nothing.
Him: Are you OK?
Me: I'm fine.
Him: Tell me...
Me: I'm fine.

We went silent for some few minutes. And then I started talking. He kept on repeating whatever thing I said.

Me: Stop it.
Him: What?
Me: Stop doing that.
Him: Are you OK? Tell me what's the problem.
Me: Nothing.
Him: Nothing?
Me: Nothing. What do you want?
Him: I want you. I want you to stop saying 'Nothing' and tell me if you're mad at me.
Me: I'm not.
Him: Then why are you crying?
Me: I'm not.

I don't know if he noticed that I really cried when I lied and said it was just the flu. If only he realised how I was hurt and scared hearing his words. That was not the first time. He should really learn to be more sensitive about it or just tell me if I'm just a rebound. At least I'll know what to expect later.

Him: Hush... Let's go to bed. I want to sleep with you tonight.
Me: No.
Him: You don't want to be with me?
Me: No.
Him: Why?
Me: It's my Big M day.
Him: You're lying.
Me: I'm not.
Him: You're lying. Are you still mad at me?
Me: I'm not.
Him: When does it starts? You didn't tell me.
Me: Today. This evening.
Him: That's OK. I just want to hug you. Can I?
Me: OK.
Him: Seems like you don't want it.
Me: ...
Him: Sorry. I know you're not in the mood. Get some sleep, OK? (click!)

Well, last night was the first for him. I said no and it was not a joke. We never actually slept together, but whenever he said that I never actually said no. Not until last night.

I SMSed him, admitting that I did cry last night. And some nights before (not his fault). And was hurt when he said about getting back with his ex. I knew he was already asleep that time. Perfect. I love giving him a piece of my thoughts when he was asleep and/or unable to respond quickly.

He read the message the first thing in the morning I guess. The good thing is we let it go quickly. I still get my usual morning message. He still gets his wake up message with hugs and kisses. Other than some "Are you still mad at me?" messages, things are going fine, just like every other day.

My world is once again filled with *lalala...* (^_^)

*Note: The conversations is not exactly how I put the words here. But you get the idea...

Flirting is Not Cheating. Or... Is It?

I chatted with this guy from the US. Connecticut? I'm not so sure. He seems OK. Just another guy flirting with Asian girl. Bla bla bla... Anyway the name is Brian Doyle.

Anyway he's in a band (lemme check the band's name. But then again, later!) and I added the band in my friend list in Myspace just for fun (I was bored, I didn't even check how they sound like) and suddenly this guy (he's the bassist I think) messaged me and I ended up adding his personal profile. He asked for my ID on MSN and Yahoo just so we can chat. Fine with me, but I can't login to both, and so I gave him my GTalk and Skype ID, just in case he has any.

Guess what? He tried really hard and created IDs for both! I'm not really flattered (it's kinda scary actually) huhu~ Well, we've been chatting for two days straight now. And he already said that he will post me his old webcam (one of the leg is broken) when he gets a new one. And he already did get a new one yesterday! I'm going to wait for the old one to arrive (I'll get the band's CD too!) Hehe...

Wait a sec. Chatting is not cheating right? Not until you come to this part:
We chatted like "Hi" and all... Just some normal conversations. Until we came to the 'more normal' conversation. He flirted with me and tried to turn me on. And he went further by saying something like he doesn't go on webcam showing his stuff to girls but he'll show it to me (am I supposed to be flattered? Hey, I'm among the chosen ones. Hehe...) Guest what mister. I already have my *lalala...* and he has good stuff and I'm more than pleased to have him with me now.

He knew about my *lalala...* and at times I left my computer in the middle of our chat and I returned and said "Sorry, my bf called just now," when the truth is I called him. Hehe... But it was his ka-ching. I don't have any ka-ching to spend on topups right now (plus, I'm still waiting for my RM 210 worth of topup codes as my New Year gift, not from my *lalala...*)

(If you're an underage, or a legal but innocent adult, please skip the following part. If you're an underage but are regularly exposed to you-know-what, you may proceed.)
I know nobody's going to pay attention to the warning.

OK so Brian is nice enough not to ask me for some cybersex moment. Not even once. I respect him for that. Dude, you're cool (we'll see how far you can stay cool and not crossing the line) The only thing he asked is to watch him play. And maybe someday turn my webcam on for him, dressing sexily so that he can watch me watching him play. Haha... So I just say OK but when he starts playing I just do some stuff and wait for his messages (in case he's checking whether I'm paying attention to the stuff or not!) but I don't think he'll ever push me to the point where I have to do things I don't want.

Anyway, I'm cool about this kind of things. Not that I like seeing them or talking about them (Note to my *lalala...*: Be patient) but I'm OK with it. But I have my own exceptions: No guys from Malaysia please! (except for my *lalala...*, but then again, he's not that kind of guy) Guys from the US are OK. I've had some games with Mr. Tender for about two (?) years and it was fun (and funny!) Haha...

Why won't I say yes to Malaysian guys? Especially Malays. Coz they are usually perverted desperados trying hard to hit on girls, they merely using the girls for pleasure. Yes, so does the guys from the US. But hey, the guys from the US knows how to treat girls. They tried to turn the girls on so both parties will enjoy the game. Malay guys only care about themselves, they hardly care about the girls (they should really get some blow-up dolls or the little sleeves so that they won't leave the girls feeling disappointed, if any) It shows. And the worse thing that follows is the guys will keep on begging for the girls to stay and entertain them. Ughh!!! Please...! Somebody please teach them the meaning of NO!!!

(Note to *lalala...*: I love flirting with you. I would prefer flirting with you every time. Maybe we should do it more often :P I'm being emo lately, sorry! Hope we can still spend some time flirting, I know you're going to be busy, me too... :( *hugs* and *kisses*)

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

The New Year is Here

Well, the New Year is was here. I'm late by a day. Anyway, it doesn't matter much to me. A New Year is just another day. Well, the age does add up (sigh!) and it does make me feel old. But what the heck! I can still claim myself as a 21 y/o for another four months.

This year I celebrate the New Year as an adult. Haha. I'm legally an adult now. The difference between this New Year and previous New Year? Well, nothing. I don't smoke, I don't drink. So it doesn't matter much.

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm ready to grow up. I've had enough of grown-up years back then in school. I'm still catching up with my childhood. It's ironic. I grew up in my childhood days and enjoying childhood in my adulthood. Can anyone please explain this? But then again, naahhh... I don't think it needs any explanation.

My New Year starts with no fireworks or anything fancy. No music, no party. But I had a fat piece of blueberry cake (with cherry!) from Kak Farra's birthday and a can of 100Plus. So it wasn't all bad. Some few New Year wishes in my phone, some seashells I found on the beach... Didn't get the chance to go into the sea though because the sea was rough (-_-) (sigh! The sea is great at night...)

I missed my *lalala...* so much. Wish I had come home with him and spend some days together. But we SMSed so it was quite OK (scale 1-10: barely 3) huhu~ We never actually celebrated anything together. Hmm... Maybe next time...

Chat, eat, chat some more. Walk, chat, walk, chat, chat some more. Drink, eat, chat, chat... Hmm... Not a great list huh?

The rest of the night is not really good. So I'm not going to write anything about it. Hehe...
*Note: I'd rather stay with the Snow Queen than having to experience such thing again... huhu~

I spent the day sleeping (great huh?) and managed to get my full 6 hours night sleep. Haha... But that's not really great coz I'm soooooo going to have trouble readjusting my sleeping pattern (with the morning class and all) hmm...

Anyway, if anyone ever wonder what's my New Year's resolutions, well... Ermm... I want to be slimmer. And exercise. And study hard. And spend a lot of time pampering myself. I have none. Never in my life I have had a resolution I can stick with. Not even for a few weeks. Haha... I'm pretty tired of it.

Whatever. Happy Belated New Year. Haha.

A note to my friends: This blog is not a part of my New Year's resolutions. I have no intention of writing a blog as a part of my New Year thingy. I did write something before (no, you're not going to find out what I did wrote in the past) and this is just a way to motivate someone into writing. But maybe I'll use it as my personal let-out channel. Hmm... Maybe I should put it into my resolution list. Hehe...