Thursday, November 15, 2007


Nothing much. I just thought that it is time to put some labels on the posts to sort them out. You can avoid yourself from reading the posts you don't like. Or find posts you like.

We are Crazy People (I)

It has been long since the last time I wrote about the ups and downs of my relationship with my *lalala...*. Guess what, people? We are still standing strong.

It has been a crazy week, or I should say a crazy month. Or maybe a crazy semester. And definitely a crazy year. The numbers of ups and downs has been stably on the low level for months this year with some occasional arguments followed by kiss (not literally)-and-make ups. Oh, yeah, most of the time we are on the 'downs' of the relationship.

For the past couple of months things are going better than I expected. I mean, things go really well for the past few week; I would have regret the whole idea of forgetting him and starting anew with some stranger-turn-friend-but-still-a-stranger-in-many-ways. Make that twice.

This week alone my *lalala...* and I had lots of things going on. Mostly because he is jealous knowing that I hang out around boys a lot. And in some cases with no girls accompanying me. And he is especially jealous knowing that I go out with this particular guy. I admit that I go out with that guy, but with reasonable reasons. And I'm not flirting with anybody. I wish he could understand that.

Just last night we had some bizarre situations. One moment we were texting happily, and the next we had this fight. And it was no ordinary fight. He revealed the skeletons I tried to forget in my closet, and he also revealed his. All this while I thought he accepted me for what I am, and last night he shocked me with the truth. He is somewhat tired of pretending that nothing bad has ever happened to me. I was disturbed by it. But I was also glad he let it out before things become more and more complicated for the both of us. As if our relationship is not complicated enough.

It's good to know that we both wanted to forget about the whole thing fast - and forever. Two hours are long enough to leave a big bad scar on our relationship; and we were glad it was over. We jumped back onto the happy track, trying to forget what had happened a moment before. I'm glad he fell for me - and forgave me - easily last night. Waking up with an ache in your heart and your head is not good, especially for him. Oh, did I tell you he's having his final exam paper today? And the argument we had messed with his head for a while (I truly regret that part).

We are two crazy people in a crazy relationship. There are more bumpy roads ahead of us. Maybe last night's incident was only one of the smallest one in store for us. Oh, well. We'll see how far we can go. Wish us luck.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Stupid Girls

Some stupid girls made some mess in the room where we hang our laundry to dry. The room is already messy with the wet floor. And those stupid girls added more mess by throwing flour onto the wet floor.

Those egoístas estúpidas should have clean the mess up before they left. They are only making other people's life difficult (yes, I'm exaggerating when I use the word "life") and they are only making people hate them more.

Stupid. Selfish. Clean up! You created the mess. You should know what to do next.

I hope I can catch those bl**ps and bath them in sticky flour mixture. Food fight sounds so good, but I won't waste good food on those bl**ps. Better have a feast of good food and throw them the leftovers than letting them have the good food and us left with the leftovers.

Whatever. The girls should know their responsibilities. Stupid bl**ps.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Home (I)

I didn't plan of going home this weekend. But I did. Who could resist a free ticket? Hehe...

After finishing my tasks of picking up my digital camera and delivering a white paper-wrapped passports I went home, exhausted by the whole journey. I barely get any rest in the bus and I walked as quickly as I could to get my digital camera just a few minutes before the store closed.

My energy drained and I couldn't imagine myself walking a couple of kilometers home from the train station, so I called home and Paris came to pick me up.

On the way home she asked me if I knew about Dad's flight date. Mom told me Dad and my Bro will fly on December 7. Paris was planning of letting her boyfriend's sister staying in our house for a while.

Paris told me something about her. She is a married woman with two kids and a once rich husband who was tricked by his best friend/business partner and lost some half a million bucks. And she is into another rich guy who just gave her a diamond necklace and heart-shaped chocolates and a card that said, "Thanks for agreeing to be my wife." And she was thinking of splitting with her husband. Divorce.

I am actually sick of hearing her story. She's stupid and ignorant and a bl**p. No matter how many people have told her that what she is doing is not right she still feels that "it is the matter of the heart" and won't take anyone's word. So why the hell did she ask for advice from people then? And she always want people to be on her side when clearly she was on the wrong side and people were trying to get her out of that.

Paris is inviting her for a stay just so she could console her and make her forget that rich guy. Probably they'll go somewhere having fun or anything. I hope by that time I can get myself a part-time job and I don't have to stay at home listening to any of this.

Matter of the heart. Bullshit. Everybody knows she only wants the guy's money. And everything happens right when her husband lost the half million bucks. She can always like a rich guy when her husband was still rich (she got tons of guys trying to get her before this) then why is the matter of the heart only matters when her husband is now almost broke because of the loss?

It isn't the matter of the heart. It is the matter of the wallet.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

That Voice

I am calling Charlie to wake him up as I'm writing this post, and the previous one too. He requested a wake up call at 3 a.m., and I have been dialling over and over again.

And I'm getting tired of this.

I'm tired of listening to the woman's voice answering his.

"Sorry, please try later."


I'm still dialling. Over and over again. The curse of Sisyphus.

Going Home

I'm going home in a few hours. At no cost.

OK, maybe a little. I'm going to need some money to go home from the bus station. But I sure have saved a lot of money this time.

I have a free ticket home, thanks to AJ. One thing though. I need to deliver some documents or something to his mom. I agreed. Come on, how hard it could be to deliver something like that? I'll be at the station and his mom will get the documents delivered and I'll be heading to the LYP to get my camera back.

Now I don't have to find extra cash for the ticket home. Just the camera. I saved some $ 17 there. A trip to LYP and home.

I'm gonna ask Dad if he can give me the old car once I get my hands on my driving license. The car needs to be fixed. I'm not ashamed of driving an old car. I just don't want to drive a broken one.

And a new pair of shoes. Hehe...

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

London Bridge is Falling Down

I just found out that Ex #1 and Belle has broken up for like a month. And he is now seeing another girl. And all this while I thought that they were going to make it till the end.

And he has started smoking again since I don't know when. There goes all my efforts of keeping him away from the ciggies back then when I was with him. Right down the drain. It was not easy to make someone who was nicknamed "The Dragon" to stop.

Whatever. I don't know if he's not happy with the new girl. According to Belle, she has been controlling him to a certain degree. Maybe the girl feels insecure or jealous. Or maybe she's a psycho. Haha... Maybe he deserves a bit of what he's getting now. Belle said he was more miserable than he already did the last time she saw him.

I hope he'll be happy with the new girl. I'm over with the past that has been haunting me for the past years. And I hope Belle is happy with her life too. She'll find someone far better than him.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Ti Amerò

Ti Amerò
by Il Divo

La notte scivola sul mondo
Che si addormenterà
E la luna vestirà d'argento
Il mare e le città
E tu mi mancherai
Più ancora
Quanto non lo sai

Continuerò a credere che
Siamo un'anima, io e te
E ti amerò comunque, lo so
Anche se non sei con me
Io ti amerò

Ti porterò con me nel sole
Nei sogni che farò
Ruberò i colori del mattino
E un cielo limpido
Su cui dipingerò il tuo viso
E sorriderò

Continuerò a credere che
Siamo un'anima, io e te
E ti amerò comunque, lo so
Anche se non sei con me

Mi manchi più che mai stasera
Quanto non lo sai...

English Translation

I Will Love You

The night is sliding on the world
that will fall asleep.
And the moon will dress in silver
The sea and the sky.
And I will miss you,
Even more
You don't even know.

I will keep believing that
we are one soul, you and I,
And I will love you even though, I know,
you are not with me,
I will love you.

I will bring you with me into the sun,
In the dreams I'll dream.
I'll take the morning colors
And a clean sky,
On it I'll paint your face
And I will smile.

I will keep believing that
we are one soul, you and I,
And I will love you even though, I know,
you are not with me.

I miss you more then ever tonight,
And you don't even know...


At times I will be overwhelmed by some sort of emotion that leaves me wanting the rest of the world to shut up and leave me alone. And the only sound I want to hear is one song and one song only. Usually I will pick a song of heartbreak or something that reflects sad feelings. And right now I am listening to this song.

I don't understand a word they sing, and yet, I could sense the sad story behind it. A search over the Internet brought me to the translations (I found several versions and I even tried to translate it using online translators).

A song that I will listen to over and over again for a few days. A song that helps me through the pain I just experienced. A song that is wrapping me like bubbles, building thick walls around me. A song that isolating me from the world. A song that pierces me through the heart and yet stops the bleeding and pain I'm about to feel.

Exactly what I need at this moment.

I felt the pain again just now. The pain that left me sleepless a lot of nights before. The pain that left me crying a lot of times before. The pain that left me grasping for air while I'm sitting still. The pain that left me lying down, crouching. The pain that left me wanting my *lalala...* by my side, because he has the cure.

Most of the time I would call him, seeking for comfort from his voice. And he will always give what I need. And the pain will slowly disappear and I will sleep and forget about the pain.

The pain I felt came at the wrong moment today. The moment when I can't reach my *lalala...* for his warmth. But the song saved me. At least for a while. I have a lot of reasons to listen to it. And maybe I'll give it to him. Something that he wouldn't understand. Something that won't force the guilty feelings he might have over me. Something he won't say sorry for.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Writing History

Tonight we are going to be in the history of the College. We are going to record the College's Anthem. The new one. The one that is fresh. The one that is different from the version sung by the Staff.

Who are we? Well, practically the members of the Club. The one that has gone through a lot of changes since it was first made. Some are new members though. And most of us are going to leave the College soon, and this will be something we can be proud of. Come on, your voice is going to be preserved in the College's history and people will always need to refer to it for years to come. Isn't that great? And even if the Big People come up with a better version later, this is going to be the first officially and professionally recorded College's Anthem.

Well, the recording was scheduled to be on last Thursday but the studio encountered with some problems and they have to pick another day to do it. I was planning of coming home this weekend. I'm glad I didn't. Or else I would miss the whole thing. And boy, wouldn't that be sad?

About an hour and a half before I can eat anything. But I guess my dinner will have to wait. Maybe I'll have a cup of hot chocolate or something. Maybe some hot tea and some soup and bread. I need the calories. I need the energy.

Two hours plus before we are going to step onto the College's van that will drive us to the place. We're going to be in the College's history. Yeah!!!

Not Working

The phone is not working. It made me frustrated before, because of the stupid slow-loading memory. I often get troubles of replying messages just because I lost the carrier's network connection for like a second and had to wait for the phone to do whatever it is doing (I wonder why the phone kind of get restarted when the connection is lost) and stop displaying the message "Message storage memory not ready," and then I can use the phone. Urghh!

Last night I had worse. The phone applications would not load no matter what I do. Sad, because I depend a lot on the messaging features, and now I'm stuck with a phone that can hardly do anything. Maybe I can make a call or two if it's urgent. But that too will depend on my luck. I couldn't get the keys to work properly for me.

Solution: The phone must be sent to a shop to be checked and fixed. The phone is still under warranty, I guess. I only had it for like four months or so. But unfortunately the phone was bought somewhere in the Middle Eastern country, and I live in a South Asian country.

I'll have the phone fixed soon. I don't think I can last long without it. Now, where can I get the money from? *sigh*

Thursday, November 1, 2007


Do you believe in luck?

Me? Seriously I would admit that I don't know whether to believe it or not. I mean, come on. You can't rely on luck alone. Most of the time it won't work.

I had a chat with Queenie last night, while we were having our cups of yoghurt. I told her about my *lalala...*, and how he was treated unfairly by his friends. He asked some of them to put his name on the lists of interview candidates (there were two places seeking for interns) and they only put his on one. How unfair! And should I mention that the place they didn't put his name on was the bigger one?

The hypothesis I came up with was: The friends feared that he would get the place and they would have to make do with what is left for them. On the other hand, if I want to think positively, I would come up with this: They forgot to put his name on the other list. That's better than they totally forgot to put his on both.

It's hard to believe that they would do something like the first hypothesis. I knew some of them before I knew my *lalala...*, and although I don't know who are the ones responsible for this, it is still hard form me to believe.

Whatever reasons they have, I just want them to reconsider luck as a factor. Yes, my *lalala...* get good grades most of the time, but he always have tough luck on his side. He is one guy I know to have most of his life being unlucky.

Queenie and I had a talk on luck. Like me, she also doesn't know whether to believe in luck. But I can say that we are more on the luckier side, compared to my *lalala...*. At times, we don't have to put much effort on something to get it worked well. And at times, we don't even have to do anything at all!

Putting myself in my *lalala...*'s shoes, I felt the anger and sadness. And he was doing his best not to keep it from hurting him from inside, and hurting his friendship as well.

I felt great having a short chat with Queenie. Just the two of us. Some things are not to be talked when others are around. But sometimes I think I burden people a lot when I talk about something to someone. Maybe I should keep them to myself next time.