Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Cramming Session

I have two more days to undergo some extensive training before sitting for my exam. I have butterflies in my tummy the way I had them a year ago. Only this time, I am sitting for a different yet equally important exam. And I wish to pass this time.

We've had CCNA test simulations a bit too much, I guess. I feel like puking. Or maybe that is just my tummy feeling bloated especially in the cold lab (I'm practically freezing in here). They made me feel sick.

And oh, I haven't done my lab exercise yet. And the CramSession 42-page e-book and Todd Lammle's Study Guide. I haven't go through even 10% of the book (some 900 pages). And the binary table!

This is definitely not the time to whine about the dead computer. He's dead. Let him be. Just get over it.


I will definitely gain some few pounds back (or more) under this sort of pressure.

All for a certificate some people don't even bother try gaining. Some don't even understand why I wanted to take the exam. If anyone's going to ask about it, I'll definitely say: Personal satisfaction. The details? Well. It was a whole different thing I don't bother to tell anyone. It's personal.

Exam is on Friday. Will need a lot of luck.

Note to self: Study! Note to God: Please help me get through this. And please don't give me the hotspot and lab questions. Please let me pass the exam and get the cert. (Some text omitted to save space.) Amen.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


I was surfing a portal when I found one advertisement offering theses binding service. There's a URL included so I thought, "Hey, let's give it a shot."

Template site with most of the text unchanged. Yup. The text from the template is still there. So unprofessional. First impression: Not a good company. They didn't even change the text from the template they are using that reads "This is an area on your website where you can add text. This will serve as an informative location on your website, where you can talk about your site."

I browsed the site for contact info and whoaa... Guess what? There is no physical address (an absolute no for a business) and another shocking thing is the contact numbers provided belong to two guys in my College. Haha... What a small world.

Free of charge (FOC) delivery service for UMP valley.

And this is another line that makes me wanna laugh. UMP Valley?


This is one of MCR's song title. But this post has nothing to do with that song. Except for the fact that I can no longer listen to the song in my computer simply because my computer is dead. And perhaps there is a connection between the song (that is playing in my head) with what happened to the computer.

It is officially dead a few days ago. A few days after my proposed title for the new Final Year Project is accepted and a couple of days before my Cisco class started.

Yes. I desperately need a computer. For my FYP and the simulations for the coming exam. Yes. I need to run simulations of routers and switches and PCs and the connections and configurations before I can prepare myself for the real thing and the exam. Yes. I need to pass both the exam and the FYP. Back to square one: Yes. I desperately need a computer.

And I also need a computer for the whatnots (read: entertainment and stuff not related to anything educational). I need a break too.

Did I tell you that I need to cram some 900 pages and tons of simulations in two weeks? All for a piece of cert. *sigh* Oh. Also tons of binary calculations and IP addresses. I'm seeing lots of numbers now. I hate numbers.

Die a month before his fourth birthday. Sad, isn't it? But I guess my notebook lived long enough. (I forgot if I have given my notebook a name, but if I did, it surely is a male's name.)

In case you're wondering how the heck I managed to write this post: I can only access the Internet from the PC in the lab or my Roomies' notebooks when they are asleep. And no, I can't access my blog from the lab's PC. Derrick (the trainer) will surely catch me red-handed typing stuff during his class. Dead, man. Dead! (One good reason why I should pick the PC furthest from his desk, but sadly I didn't. I sit right next to his desk. Haha!)

To my Roomies, thanks for letting me use your notebooks. I truly appreciate it. :)

Thursday, May 15, 2008


A nice hot shower and bath is great. I feel a whole lot better now. Why didn't I take it sooner? *sigh*

Well, let's just enjoy life's little treats once in a while.


Wednesday, May 14, 2008


One very obvious proof that I am now thinner than expected: My newly bought jeans (only a few months old) is now like a sack hanging on my hips. Seriously. I bought a pair of jeans a few months back, a non-stretchable one only to expect myself (read: my hips and butts and thighs) to grow in it without overstrecthing the fabric and make it not wearable like the fates of some of my stretchable jeans.

I did grow a bit in it. As I carefully planned, the jeans don't stretch so I can wear it without having to worry about getting a pair of new pants to replace this. Well, actually I can see the stitches being pulled apart a bit too much but that's another story.

And guess what? Now I have to secure the jeans with my belt. The pants + belt look ugly coz I have to wear the belt like I wear a drawstring pants. Yuck. But that's the only way of doing it.

Sometimes I'm in my lazy mode, I wear the pants minus the belt. And that is when I really feel insecure. I have to wear shirt long enough to cover my undies from showing (sadly girls' T-shirts are made to be short until recently the mall is swamped with long T-shirts *sigh* sadly I don't have budget for some) and I always feel like my pants are going to drop by accident. Like what if I accidentally stash my stuff into my pocket in a manner a bit too rough my pants will drop? Or what if somebody pull my pants down? (Heck. I don't know where that sort of idea came from.) Or what if someone step on my pants and I walk and the pants just... (is that possible?)

I put myself on yet another almost ultimate test: The pant pulling test.

The test is done to determine whether my waistline has really expanded or shrunk or I just made either up. I had it done with a cargo pants with the waist bigger than the usual pants I wear. That particular cargo has proven my theory: I was thin before the test because the pants (at the time the test is conducted) sat comfortably on my hips without needing any help from a belt. Either my waist size has added up or my butts have.

Another method to be used in conducting this almost ultimate test is by pulling the pants down. Works great with pants from non-stretchable materials. This is to test whether I have slimmed down a bit or not. Best used to measure the size of my bottom without using the tape. I don't like tape very much coz it tells the truth (absolute number). I don't need the truth. I just need to feel good.

So one day (or was it night?) after having a meal and a chat with RD I did the test when I was about to change into my PJ. Just a bit tug and the jeans slipped off me. Whoaa... That is a bad sign. Too thin for my new pants. Luckily the pants were cheap. I think I need to buy a new pair. Wait... Do I really need a new pair of jeans?

My second test was done yesterday. I was about to go out for a dinner with my Roomies. A dinner not well-planned. I pulled up the same pair of jeans without undoing the zipper. YES! WITHOUT undoing it! And without sucking my stomach in to make me feel a bit thinner! I wiggled a bit in the pants only to make it stay securely on my pelvic bone. (Pelvic bone? Correct me if I'm wrong.)

So, from the tests conducted, it is proven that I am now thinner and I need new pants. Some of the old stretchable jeans have overstretched during the 'expanding' period so I can't wear them. Donations are welcomed. Leave me a note for my PayPal or AlertPay e-mail address.

Maybe I should put a "Donate" button somewhere. Hmm...

Makes Me Wonder...

Do you call a very thin guy/girl a walking stick?


Friday, May 9, 2008


The packages I've been waiting for has arrived. 3 days ago. Mom just told me. She asked me if the packages should be sent to me. The packages can wait. I just need to know they have arrived safely.

Those are the pendants and ring I ordered a few weeks ago. Now I know they have arrived, that means the company is real and I can put more orders after this. I can't wait to have more money in my TuneCard or PayPal and do some more purchasing. Yay!

Now I just have to wait for my *lalala...* to come home in August. *sigh* August is still far away.

And now I can order something for Paris' and Mom's birthday. Or whatever day. But first, I need to have the money. Would be a nice surprise huh getting a mysterious parcel from the US of A with pretty little things inside.

Can't wait to get my hands on the tiny packages. :)

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Can't Get It Out of My Head

There is this song I can't get rid of. It has been sitting there in my head, haunting me for weeks. I call it the Ghost Song. I don't have a particular name for it. Just the Ghost Song.

The song is about love, loyalty, betrayal, death, and no hate. It's kinda weird. But ghosts are like that. They are supposed to haunt you. Not just kill you.

The song usually come out of nowhere, repeating over and over and over again as long as I let it to. Haunting is the word. Most of the time it will make me smile. For absolutely no reason. Maybe I'm imagining a little bit too much. But that won't kill, so there's nothing wrong about it.

Now I need to get that song out of my head and written on something and make some adjustments and then I can sing it the whole day if I want to.

The Old Bell

Can you hear the sound
the Old Bell is ringing
a sad long deep sound
you do know what it means

the end is nearing
Death is waiting

With the second wind blowing
in the morning glow
you know you're about to go
I'll wave you the last goodbye
when Death takes your hands

the end is nearing
Death is waiting

And I wish you a pretty place
filled with all the ugly things you made
it will be a beautiful torture
a sweet, happy ending

Saturday, May 3, 2008

The Old T-shirt Test

I never believe when people say I look thinner than the last time they saw me. So every once in a while when I receive quite a number of it, I would put myself to a test. The almost ultimate test: The old T-shirt test.

The test is simple. I would put on the clothes I used to buy/wear before I grow expand to the new size. It is pretty tricky with old T-shirts though. The T-shirt will usually stretch after many washes, so to be fair I usually change a few times, trying a few clothes out to see if I really look different.

Just now I did that again. I couldn't find my old T-shirt from my Pre-U year (the T-shirt stretches over the years, probably a bit too large for the almost ultimate test) so I grabbed another T-shirt slightly smaller than it. I believe the T-shirt is slightly smaller than the one I wore a lot back then in Pre-U college and it doesn't stretch much thanks to the cheap material the factory is using. The passing mark is when I can fit into the T-shirt without looking "extremely desperate" or at least "desperate" trying to fit in a small T-shirt.

And the result is... (drum roll)

I passed!

And it was pretty scary. I can wear the T-shirt without having to see any unnecessary flesh (plus fat) trying to squeeze itself out near to the fabric.

And how could that be scary?

Try piling up lots of pounds throughout the years (I gained 15 kg in 4 years with lots of ups and very little downs) and losing (almost all of) them in a couple of months (and a little bit more). And you know that you're not losing them in the healthy way. THAT is the scary part.

I managed to squeeze in a T-shirt slightly smaller than the one I bought 5 years ago, and it really looked like back then: me in my small T-shirt. Now I believe why people said I'm a lot thinner than before.

I still need to lose some weight (plus fat) from the waist down. *sigh*

Thursday, May 1, 2008


I cheat.

I can't believe I am actually going to do this again. I play Pokemon Crystal with GameShark cheat codes. It's fantastic. My first try is catching Totodile. I chose Chikorita at the beginning of the game so getting a Totodile or Cyndaquil is impossible throughout the game unless if I can trade the Pokemon, which is impossible too, because I am using ROM emulator, not the real device. So cheating is the only way to get them in my Pokedex.

I cheat only to catch the Pokemon, not to win any battles with cheat code-raised Pokemon. Where's the fun in playing the game then? My next goal is to catch a few Eevee so I can use different stones on them and have many different evolution. The next? Catching the three legendary dogs. I came across one in the grass earlier but it fled and it will probably be impossible to be found again, so cheating comes in handy. I can cheat with using lots of Masterball, but I prefer the traditional way. Hehe...

Happy cheating gaming!

Note: This is more like a compensation because I had caught and raised some of my Pokemon to a certain level and somehow the game I saved is lost! I don't feel very bad cheating in the game. :P

Road to Anorexia

I have been getting quite some "Oh, you look thin" for the past few days. This afternoon I got three people saying the same thing. Two of them said I look a lot thinner. A LOT. I was already 'thinner' when they saw me two months back, but now I'm "thinner than that."

I am not on a diet. And I am not sick. So nobody should worry about me.

I am not dieting. But I have to admit I eat very little now. I can't tolerate a huge amount of food in one sitting without feeling sick afterwards. I am in my "not hungry" period where I can go without food for the whole day or two without complaining "I'm hungry."

I eat less food than usual. I used to eat the same amount my roommates eat - combined. I was a big eater. I used to eat as much as my *lalala...* is eating, and sometimes more. And he eats a lot. Now I can only eat a quarter or less than that.

My appetite was greatly reduced when I was down with fever about a week ago. I didn't eat real food that day. Yesterday I ate 5 pieces of prunes, 4 white bread and a cup of instant cream of chicken soup. The day before yesterday and the day before that I ate two pieces of tuna sandwiches for each day. I am not talking about jumbo-sized sandwiches. Spicy tuna flakes on plain white bread, garnished with some tomato and salad. And I have a medium-sized dark chocolate bar sitting in my bag waiting patiently to be eaten since a few weeks ago.

I am a lot thinner than before, and my stomach is refusing food. A whole lot thinner and I'll be anorexic. I am forcing myself to eat more and more everyday, only to end up feeling bloated and not very well after each meal, or sometimes throwing up whatever thing that is available in my empty stomach. Ouch.

I am fighting it. But fighting requires a lot of energy and will. And I lack both. I am hanging on with whatever that is left in me to survive.

I am not going to be anorexic.