Thursday, December 6, 2007

Grow Up

I watch my Brother grow up from a little brat to a teenage brat. He doesn't really grow up, unless if you consider cursing a lot and watch pornography as adult things, thus made him a grown-up.

And I also see his former girlfriend grow up. She was a sweet girl. And still is. She used to ask a lot from me, trying to get second opinions in life. She was a growing kid and I, as a big sister to her, tried my best to help her avoid unnecessary clutters in life. I hope I was helping her enough back then. I don't want to ruin some kid's life with wrong opinions of mine.

I came across her page a couple of months ago, and she still remember me. And she has a new boyfriend. At 15, she sure is a very pretty girl and she can easily win a college guy's heart if she wants to. Sounds like some teenage love novel, huh? We have been in touch through Myspace since then.

She apologised to me for not being my Brother's girlfriend at the current time. Duh! Like I really expect her to last long with my Brother until they finish high school. There's no chemistry, I guess. They shouldn't force themselves to stay in the relationship if they don't feel like it. Plus, they are only kids!

Looking at them made me wonder. They grow up so fast. Far different from me. I am still a kid after two decades of living. And according to some sources, I am even more childish now I am older. And struggling to get out of the cocoon. And people are urging me. I need to grow up! Fast!

Now, let me see what really is going on here. I don't have boyfriend until after I reach the legal age. These kids, they already have sweethearts right after they hit puberty. And actually even before they hit puberty. Well, other kids my age too have had puppy loves and real sweethearts in their entire school years. I blame that on my super nerdy self back then in school. Even my bookworm/athletic/afraid-(and/or)-shy-of-girls *lalala...* had puppy loves in high school and long-term girlfriend when he graduated high school.

Me? I was a rough tomboy who played rough enough but don't play sports. A bookworm with the tendency to skip PE classes to read books. The nerd who spent a lot of time in front of the TV and surf the Internet almost the entire night, chatting with guys and girls way older than me. Approximately 10 years older. Social life? Zero. A total loser.

I grow up carrying both visible and invisible responsibilities. I worked hard in my childhood years trying to accomplish a lot of things to please my parents. They used to have very high expectations on me. I need to shine more and more everytime just to make them happy. And I was aware of what adult life would look like. A lot of works, financial controls, the need to jump high enough when you're in the middle of the crowd just to that people will notice you among the sea of people. Unlike Paris who grew up doing things she wanted to do and deal with the adult stuff when the time comes.

And these kids. And like other kids my age back then. They spend their childhood with things enjoyed by kids. Freedom with little worries of the adult life. Please only people you want to please, with options not to please anybody at all. Enjoying what kids do best. Exploring new things, satisfying curiosity, ask lots of questions and keep only half of it in mind and the rest stashed at the back of your mind. Having lots of friends and good times together. And deal with the adult life later when it comes knocking at your door.

I missed the whole point of being a kid. And I consider myself half lucky for the second chance for a brief period while some people are entering the adulthood and some are still enjoying whatever is left by their teenage spirit.

My point: There is no point in rushing a kid into being a grown up. Underachieving kids can always do better in later life if they have positive and satisfying childhood (even for the most rebellious kids). And if they are willing to work hard for it. Putting the pressure of being an adult won't help in long term.

Now, if only I could turn back time...

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