Thursday, March 8, 2007

Hurt

Can you imagine how painful it is to lose someone you love to his/her ex?

I captured some fragments of conversation between my *lalala...* and the GF. They were together without my knowing. She asked him to leave me. And he decided to do so. I couldn't take that. What happened to his words? What happened to his promises of not keeping things secret when it comes to our relationship? Was he only stayed beside me because of the sympathy he had onto me?

I opened my eyes. The clock showed 3.30 a.m. It was just a dream. But the pain is real, I actually cried. I struggled to catch some breath. The pain was the same pain I felt that made him comforted me through words, the one that made me fell asleep when, only a few minutes before, I was tossing and turning in my bed to get some sleep. I recollected the memories of that particular day and tried to generate the same feelings I had back then. A few minutes later I was able to breathe normally.

I texted my *lalala...* about the dream. He was asleep. I know he was. I was half glad I can tell him about it. I always have the strength to let my emotions out while he was asleep, but I can't find the same strength to talk about these things when we are together. I get to let them out, but I will never know what his responses are. Too many times I let him know my disappointments through texts, right after we parted at the train station. We head our own directions and my hand will quickly pull the phone out and push the keys. A few steps later I push 'Send', but it will be too late for him to turn around and apologise.

I don't expect any replies from him. He doesn't need to explain anything, even if it is true that they are now back into the relationship they had before. I just want to let him know how I feel. But I guess getting some reply from him would be good. I have been worrying too much about this. If only he could make me feel better and safer by telling me things he hadn't.

But somehow deep inside my heart I know he wouldn't give me any answer on this.

6 comments:

~ t o u r n i Q u e t ~ said...

i think i know how u felt.
just be strong for the time being, kay ;)

~n0n0i~ said...

hmmm...
kdg2...
org yg paling kita sayang,sgt susah utk disayang.. =(
just be strong ok..
u hv ur friends around.. dun worry!

buTTerFLowEr said...

it was just a dream, so xde pape lah (tp takutnye) huhu~ thx guys

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