Pain

I just went back from lunch. As usual, the food is bland. I ate without interest. I was with Miss President. The others decided to eat later. They had brunch earlier.

I almost finished eating my lunch when Miss President suddenly looked at a direction and asked "Isn't he done with his studies already?" I turned back to the direction, expecting a face I might recognise but whose name I never know. I was wrong.

There he was, a face very familiar to me. The guy who had often haunted my mind lately. Another Asano moment? I'm not sure. I felt like crying. I noticed my behaviour went from OK to just so-so. But Miss President didn't notice that. Maybe my strange reaction towards what I just saw was no different from my reaction to the food I was eating. I ate silently, finishing what was left on my plate.

I prayed for my tears not to pool in my eyes. I thanked God when Miss President talked like I was acting very normal. She was talking about him and his girlfriend. MJ who was eating with us just now went up to him and they had a short chat. I took a quick glance. I was glad nobody noticed me acting strange.

My heart was filled with pain. I have felt this way since the past few weeks. The pain was magnified with his presence, especially when I know that he is here, now.

Who is he? He is my ex #1. The one guy who made me cry and lost my own self for a long period. A guy who left me broken. A guy who, despite his own words to remain as a friend I can turn to, turned me away when I asked for help. I need something to hold on to while I was healing. He left me with none. Not even when the help I was seeking had nothing to do with what happened between us. He was the one who took my Little Faith away. Now Little Faith is lost, I wondered how she's going to make her way home to me.

I glanced at his direction. Either it was my luck he didn't notice I looked at him, or he pretended not to notice. Or maybe I was completely vanished from his life ever since he left me two years ago. Because everytime I saw him here, visiting his girlfriend, he never seemed to notice me. He never react like I was something to him.

I am still wondering when will I be able to let the painful memory go completely. I hope my Little Faith will come home soon.

Heal me, please.