Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Pain

I just went back from lunch. As usual, the food is bland. I ate without interest. I was with Miss President. The others decided to eat later. They had brunch earlier.

I almost finished eating my lunch when Miss President suddenly looked at a direction and asked "Isn't he done with his studies already?" I turned back to the direction, expecting a face I might recognise but whose name I never know. I was wrong.

There he was, a face very familiar to me. The guy who had often haunted my mind lately. Another Asano moment? I'm not sure. I felt like crying. I noticed my behaviour went from OK to just so-so. But Miss President didn't notice that. Maybe my strange reaction towards what I just saw was no different from my reaction to the food I was eating. I ate silently, finishing what was left on my plate.

I prayed for my tears not to pool in my eyes. I thanked God when Miss President talked like I was acting very normal. She was talking about him and his girlfriend. MJ who was eating with us just now went up to him and they had a short chat. I took a quick glance. I was glad nobody noticed me acting strange.

My heart was filled with pain. I have felt this way since the past few weeks. The pain was magnified with his presence, especially when I know that he is here, now.

Who is he? He is my ex #1. The one guy who made me cry and lost my own self for a long period. A guy who left me broken. A guy who, despite his own words to remain as a friend I can turn to, turned me away when I asked for help. I need something to hold on to while I was healing. He left me with none. Not even when the help I was seeking had nothing to do with what happened between us. He was the one who took my Little Faith away. Now Little Faith is lost, I wondered how she's going to make her way home to me.

I glanced at his direction. Either it was my luck he didn't notice I looked at him, or he pretended not to notice. Or maybe I was completely vanished from his life ever since he left me two years ago. Because everytime I saw him here, visiting his girlfriend, he never seemed to notice me. He never react like I was something to him.

I am still wondering when will I be able to let the painful memory go completely. I hope my Little Faith will come home soon.

Heal me, please.

1 comment:

MissPresiden said...

I didn't know that he was your ex#1. Actually I noticed you act a bit strange that day, but I pretend to make it as normal as I can. Rase xselesa gak klu org yg kuat membebel, tetibe diam seribu bahasa. Im sorry. I'll be more sensitive next time.
You heart in pain and it reveals through your face. Wake up girl!!! Theres much fun and interesting thing that wait for you to be explore. Never let the past haunting you.
You have your family, friend,kamans, pets, music and maybe new bf with you. Don't disappointed them. Be strong.