Monday, March 19, 2007

What Happened to Us?

Well, to those who are wondering what happened between me and my *lalala...* (and also the GF), here's what: He's still with me. Good huh? Happy ending. Sort of. He is still with the GF. Yup. They are still together. We are still together. He keeps the GF and me. Unbelievable? I expected such thing to happen since our first girlfriend/boyfriend outing.

I thought I was ready for it, but I have to admit, I don't. I feel like crying hearing his voice on the phone. I felt the same pain not hearing anything from him too. In fact, I was the one who called. I called him right after he said he woke up. At least I waited for him to wake up first.

Now, what is happening to us? He's with me secretly. He's with the GF like they used to be. She's the third person now, getting in the middle of our relationship. But we, me and my *lalala...* need to keep ours secret. How fair the world is. Maybe one day she will ask him to bring me along to their date so she can meet me, his friend, who had wished them well and who had tried her best to get them back together like right now. I can imagine that happening. What if she holds his hand in front of me? What if he kisses her in front of me? What if she kisses him in front of me? What if I have to watch them do whatever things they do, being invisible?

I often have this strange image drawn in my mind. A girl and a guy is kissing, and one of his hand is holding another girl who walked in another direction. She is turning away, walking away from him. He doesn't want to let her go. He holds her hand behind him. The girl he is kissing doesn't notice what is happening. She closes her eyes while they are kissing. I have the scene sketched beautifully in my mind's piece of paper. I think it described me well long before this mess happened. Way long before it happened. Now, if only I could draw or sketch really well. I would draw the image prettily and give it to him. I hope he will understand what I feel. I actually have a storyline for the simple sketch. And the story is not as simple as the image itself. I guess I was given a peek at my own future, and only now I realise how closely the thing I had in mind from a few years ago, with what is happening now. If only I have the talent to express things beautifully. Maybe I could draw a comic, manga-style, and get some money for it. But I don't. I don't have the talent to do so.

I don't know how far can I stand being in this relationship. I'm not going to walk away from it for this time being. I need to find the strength, to either stay, or walk away. Both are draining my energy. Both are sucking the life out of me. Both are killing me. God, help me. I need the strength to get through this.

2 comments:

-langkahbaru- said...

hahaha...terer tol die leh keep 2 org serentak. nanti ada madu la gf die tu. kui3 :P
jokin..no offense ye.hehe

buTTerFLowEr said...

i'm not really sure my position now. i mean, die blk kat previous gf kn. i'm the one after the GF, then she's after me plak. so right now i'm the gf n she's the 3rd person, or i'm still the 3rd person since dorg dh couple balik?

n if she found out abt us, who can really claim her place? me or her? coz dorg dh putus the time i'm with him. but she used to be his gf while i was just his friend.

cmne arr?